Daily Archives: January 8, 2018

Awkward First Dates by Dalia Lance

For Rumpy, who will always inspire me.

And in that instant, I thought to myself “Did I really just see that……?”

I looked again in the direction of her date Zach and saw that he did in fact have a lizard poking out the collar of his jacket.

“Zach… um… there is lizard in your coat.” She tried not to sound as freaked out as she was. She hated reptiles.

He smiled and reached into his jacket. “I’m sorry. This is Zeus. He was feeling a little blue today. So I thought I could bring him with.”

“Oh” was all she could say. Looking back on their conversations online and the decision to meet at a local farmer’s market/craft fair, she thought he was being sweet to her. Maybe he was; she simply couldn’t tell anymore.

He pulled Zeus out of his jacked and held him out to her. He was greenish-blue. “Would you like to hold him?” Zach asked.

“NO!” she snapped and jumped a little back.

A look played across Zach’s face and although she knew her reaction was more violent than needed, she also knew that this would be the last time she saw Zach.

They continued to walk for a bit longer through the stalls, but as they neared the end of one of the lanes, she pulled out her phone and pretended to have an emergency come up. Zach didn’t even question it as a person normally would. She could tell he was done as well.

Instead of a goodbye hug, she shook his hand not holding a lizard and walked away pulling the hand-sanitizer from her purse.

After fully cleaning her hands and her phone, she got to her car and immediately called her friend Jessica.

“Well that was quick,” Jessica answered. “I didn’t get a chance to make the obligatory call to bail you out of the date if needed. What happened?”

“A fricken lizard came out of his jacket.” Her voice was more high-pitched than needed. “A LIZARD!”

“Wow,” Jessica said and began to laugh.

“This isn’t funny. Who in the hell brings a lizard to a date?” She felt her face begin to flush.

Jessica tried to contain her laughter. “You’re right (snicker). That is terrible (laugh).”

“You are not helping.” She wanted to be more mad at her friend, but she knew she was simply frustrated at the situation.

She took a deep breath.

“Well at least he wasn’t dressed as a clown like the last one,” Jessica said before going into another bout of laughter.

The clown. She had almost blocked that horrible moment from her mind. God, she hated online dating.

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